How To Put A Submissive In Her Place

how-to-put-a-submissive-in-her-place

How To Shape A Meaningful 24/7 BDSM Relationship – “Knowing Her Place”

by Simon Blackthorne

Most submissive women love it and quite a few dominant men love to do it: “putting her in her place”, for example by making her stand in the corner for a while to contemplate her position. Unfortunately, many tend to forget the rather important timing issues involved here. Too long or too short, both can work counterproductive. Understanding the dynamics will help both.

Rule #1:

The fun starts when it is no fun anymore.

The name of the game is behavior correction. What you as the Dom want to achieve is to take away her will to influence whatever is about to happen, but instead learn to let go and to accept. This can be done in many ways and during various stages in active play (we will get to all of that), but in all cases the Dom needs to be firm and strict AND needs to know exactly how far he can take this.

Behavior correction has a substantial mental impact, it will easily bring the sub to rebel and will frustrate her, probably immensely. The idea to is get past that, which is not easy, but highly rewarding.

The Dom will need an almost military attitude towards this, and to demand perfection.

Let me give you an example. Regardless the environment, regardless the timing, regardless the reasons why: a sub does not JUST stand in the corner (just doing it – or anything else – is no big deal, regardless how much the sub thinks she is “giving” or “showing” submission). She stands at attention and the following ideas may help you to learn how to do that, or improve the success of it:

• The sub stands facing the wall but away from any potential support of the wall. In order to prevent her from leaning against it – or even find mental comfort in the fact that she can – make sure she is at least a yard away from any wall. She MUST feel “lost in space” so to speak, yet firmly put in position.

• Regardless the posture the Dom prefers, this must be carried out with perfection. Standing still is standing still, not wiggling, shifting weight from one leg to another. A bowed head is a bowed head, not just lowered, hands should remain still and place, she is not to speak, not to cry and in general not to make a sound unless invited or ordered to.

• Most doms will want to see some exposure, such as ordering her to keep her skirt lifted, hands behind the neck, etc. Make sure she executes such extra orders to perfection, keeps her back and legs straight and her butt tight. Those with any military background will (in this exceptional case – fondly) remember their drill sergeant.

Everything now depends on timing and that is an individual thing that probably requires some experimenting. But there are a few general guidelines.

Just standing there doing nothing is humiliating and (very quickly) boring. She was expecting all sorts of action (maybe even provoking just that) and now all she can do is stand and wait. She will get cold, something will always start to itch somewhere. She will hear sounds and frustration will kick in quickly. All that is is exactly what you WANT to happen. Allow her into any action too soon – in other words leave her there for only a few minutes – and the entire effort will have been useless. No frustration, no anger, no self-pity or whatever and she’ll never learn to accept. Sounds tough but it actually is as simple as that.

Leaving her there too long unfortunately is also counterproductive. She will be very tired (most people tend to forget that “just” standing is very fatiguing and may even lead to fainting), it may become too painful, she may entirely lose interest and especially in the beginning her anger will probably extinguish her desire and lust.

So how to find that right balance? That is not easy, but a good rule of thumb is to give her the option to beg for release. Once she begs, test her first – drag it on a bit longer, tease her or maybe let her do something, such as reciting her slave rules out loud, before she is released from her position.

The next time you can for example set a time (like ten or fifteen minutes) she must wait BEFORE she will be allowed to beg. And so on until you have managed to find the exact timing that brings her to the edge of the cliff, but not over it.

Tears are also very likely to be a good indication, especially if both of you are experienced. Or the use of a safe word. But never allow release without testing and try to take it just a tad further. As previously said: it must first be no fun for it to become fun.

About Simon Blackthorne

Simon Blackthorne is a dungeon master at Wasteland and has been actively involved in the BDSM scene since 1975.  You can see more of his writings and films at WastelandBlog.com (NSFW)

Comments

  1. Vual Grimoire says

    Yeah, okay. I think I get it. But what if she says: “Fuck you. YOU go stand in the corner, dick.” Then what? Am I ‘allowed’, being the Dom and everything, am I allowed to drag her kicking and screaming into the corner and force a dunce cap on her? Is that okay? Like, what’s the ‘rule’ on that situation? And what if I want her to like, oh, I don’t know… recite the entire dialog from several old Friends episodes as punishment and she fucks it up? Then what? Can I dress up as Rachel and tell her she MUST play the show’s theme song on the recorder 101 times in a row? And what if she fucks THAT up? We’re talking crisis management! Our entire 24/7 power exchange thingamajig of fetishistic type…uh… stuff – all that is at stake. It’s deep. Really. We need guidance, oh mighty Master of the Dark Arts, etc.

    • says

      Vual,
      I think you might have missed the part about “pre-scene negotiation”. lol
      Any and all BDSM must be consensual with both partners talking through their “scene” before getting started. Otherwise, it’s just bullying and a mess!

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